Screw Empowerment, I Want Control of My Work Conditions

I don’t dream of labor, but when I envision my ideal version of a job, it would have these things: the ability to work from home, flexibility in scheduling and setting my own hours, the ability to take time off whenever I want, even if it’s last-minute, control over how I interact with others, freedom to decide how much I want to offer, creative control and direction, and ownership over my time. Imagine my surprise when I decided to give online sex work a shot, and it turned out to give me all of the things I wanted in a job, and then some.

One thing that most people don’t realize is that independent sex workers are business owners. (In fact, many of us enter this industry not realizing we would become business owners either!) When people think sex work, they think of the actual content or service—the sex—that we’re selling, whether it's cam shows, nude photos, porn, one-on-one interactions, used panties, the works. And indeed, all of those things are sex work. But it’s like wanting to become an influencer or wanting to sell your embroidery online—it’s never just about doing the thing you originally set out to do. There is so much more work that comes with it than meets the eye. And yes, this is doubly true in sex work, where we face so many additional barriers in the form of financial discrimination, shadowbanning, platform instability, age verification laws, and more.

When I signed up to be a phone sex operator, I figured it would be as simple as picking up the phone, talking dirty with some guys, and making some cash on the side. There was absolutely zero business strategy or intention: I just wanted to get paid by the minute for my time on the phone, doing something I already knew I was good at. But then as I started taking more calls and making more money, I started thinking about what sorts of niches I wanted to cater to, what sort of persona I wanted to create for myself, how I could better present myself to get more callers. I started thinking about what sorts of content I could sell to expand my reach and to build a catalog that would hopefully attract future customers while also giving me passive income. I started thinking about marketing: what other forms of online sex work exist that would bring in more phone sex customers, and what options are available for us in terms of getting more exposure and expanding our fanbase. I started watching videos and listening to podcasts where sex workers talked about business funnels and monetization strategies, until at some point it finally dawned on me: I’m a fucking entrepreneur.

This came as a huge shock to me. Never in my life have I enjoyed work. I could do without the endless emails, the memos that disappear into the ether, the reports that sit in website archives catching dust, and the meetings that take twice as long as they need to. For so long, I had resigned myself to a lifetime of boring email jobs, clocking in and clocking out, eating under-heated lunches from crappy office microwaves, restlessly waiting for 5 o’clock and the weekend. I figured this is what adulthood looks like for most people: devoting a majority of your waking hours to some job—which, if you’re lucky, you won’t hate—that will allow you a decent standard of living, while you make the most of whatever’s left of your time, and you cram as much joy and life as possible in those precious evening hours after work, those weekends, those PTOs. I never saw myself as the kind of person who would even dream of a life outside of the 9-5—because that would require ambition, imagination, courage, verve, guts, initiative, and so many other qualities I saw in other people, but never myself.

It turns out, when it comes to financial freedom, the chance to own my time, and the possibility of a life that is within my control… I have a lot more drive, ambition, motivation, and work ethic than I ever realized was possible. I went into sex work expecting to make a bit of extra money on the side, but what I got from it—a whole new understanding of myself, my abilities, and the things that motivate me and fulfill me—was so much more.

The question of “Is sex work empowering?” has been discussed to death, and I honestly don’t think I have anything new to add to that conversation. Personally, yes, I find it empowering to work on my own terms and be paid for my time and energy doing things that I enjoy. But I would never assume that of others. And, like many sex workers have said before me, our work should not have to be empowering for you to believe we have the right to do it. The truth is that most jobs in this world are not empowering, and most people are doing things that—if given the choice—they would absolutely not be doing for free. Survival work is still work. Unpleasant work is still work. And we all deserve labor rights, full stop.